Updates!

Hello again friends. Well my updates are not happening as much or as often as i’d like them to be happening. I’ve been so busy lately. It’s only at times like these…you know, pretty much 5 in the morning… when i’m wired on bookoo to have time to write! I have alot to write about, but dont know if i’ll have the time to get to it all.

So here I am updating when I promised I would. I really needed to try to get some sleep since I work in an hour. Man, things have been a little wierd lately. I’m so exhausted. To no-other, I am officially worn out to nothing. I work everyday, & have no time at all to myself. The problem is, I hate doing nothing! I just cant stand it. I need to be with people & I need to be doing something. It’s not even that I just think about shit anymore… It just feels so tasteless. I literally don’t know what the hell i’m doing anymore. I’ve made some choices which I won’t back out on. Don’t worry, nothings like bad or bringing me down into bad moods or anything. I just dont know what i’m doing. I want to have that special someone to share things with, but at the same time..I cant find that person who appriecates me for things i’m looking for. At the same time, i’m not giving that chance to anyone. I really dont have the time or really trust anyone for that matter but thats just a temporary problem. I just find it crazy how I cant find anyone that im looking for. Or maybe I should explain that in terms of someone that would be there for me as I would for them. Really hard to explain what i’m trying to say there. I’ve just had this sense of lonliness come around lately & i have no idea why. I can give easy answers for that, but i’d rather not lol.. I mean, i havent felt this feeling for awhile & its just coming around again. I unno man, its fucked up. Maybe its because i have so much alone time & just want that someone to fill my voids. If i was given that chance, i know it would be easy to obtain…but when the hell would i do that? after work, before work, before band practice, after band practice? I have no time..I suppose this is for the greater good but i always feel im missing out on something. (ya this has nothing to do with my band either…its going great, new amps in…so exciting!). I dont want something right now, but i will soon. I enjoy the company of someone & enjoy the fact im not alone. Thats my greatest fear in life. Being alone. I dont know, im just feeling wierd lately. at times it feels like no-one cares, & that im just in this for me or that i’m being excluded when i dont want that. haha this is all over the road. I dont know how to type this shit out..much better that talking lol.

I think that was a HUGE paragraph. Sorry about that haha. Im gunna go get ready for work now..i’ll be home again tonight & will promise i’ll be bored. Someone wanna do something? I cant stand the empty silence……

ryan