keep holding on when my brains ticking like a bomb..

Seriously i’m fucking getting really tired of this bullshit. What, is simple fucking happiness just way too much to ask for? I haven’t done anything to deserve any more fucking crap than i’ve been given so far. SERIOUSLY FUCK OFF! Enough is enough. But apparently its not. Gimme a fucking break for fuck sakes…

looks like im not getting better…

So with all of my personal affairs aside right now, i’m getting really fucking angry now. It’s not even funny of how far this bullshit is going. I’ve been constantly sick since the first week of the college strike. When I even thought I recovered from the illness it comes back outta no-where & hits me 10 times harder than the first. The second time seems to be the worst by far. It kinda paralized my legs & brought alot of physical pain to my shoulders & upper body later. A week later after missing school & everything else…I think I would finally be on the road to recovery. Nope. It’s getting so crazy i’m getting a doctors appointment to find out what the fuck is wrong with me. My legs are still weak a whole week later & randomly my throat starts to kill me. I mean, I have fucking shit I got to do. I don’t need this to burden me anymore than it has.

Maybe i’ve just gotten up on the wrong side of the bed today..don’t know how thats possible if you’ve seen my room…but I’ve been in a god damn rage since monday. I just want to break anything that is wanting to get in my way from getting my shit done. Maybe even go outta the way to break anything that might get in the way. Fucking everything…heh but on the humorous side of things, i’m good with rage haha. But back to seriousness. Im not sure why i’m getting so angry so easily besides my obvious reason of being mad. It’s really making me unhappy. Very unhappy & I have nobody to talk to lately.

Wonderfully, since i’m ill & can’t do fuck all right now besides log on to write this blog..if you choose to read you get to put up with my ranting bullshit. Fuck it all man..seriously. Driving me to points of aggression & rage that i’m getting sick of. I have fucking goals to be completing on my own time & if i’m sick I can’t get them done. Stuck in a dead end job. I can’t get the time to apply to new places. I can’t fucking concentrate on my next year. I can’t fucking get the time to work on band material. I can’t fucking leave my fucking house. I can’t fucking go outside & do simple yard work to keep me happy. I can’t do anything because of my illness. Fuck sakes..

I have nothing to be looking forward to right now & boo fucking hoo! I don’t give a rats ass. I’ll find something & when I do..hA! I’ll hopefully become so busy that i’ll have no fucking free time ever again! Then I won’t need to be worrying about anything. Things are fucking stupid. Fucking stupid stupid. MSN is a fucking annoyance now. Fucking hate this piece of junk.

I get to go to work tonight & burn out my sick voice. Ya! It’s gunna be awesome times. I gots me a hair cut for tomorrow also. I didn’t book it but i’ll go to it. Fucking care no more. It’s coming at perfect time so now I can remove this junk before any longer. So i’m debaiting on cutting it away tomorrow. We’ll see. I’m also gunna spend some cash on a gym membership I think. With all this free time i’ll get back into the awesome shape I was in & fucking fly again. You’ll see. fucking junk..

Well now. I’m still coughing & I should get ready for work. Why haven’t they fired me yet? Fucking gross ass job. Oh I havent even talked about my other issues?
Whattyah know..ugh makes me confused & shit..I dont get it..its not even a big issue but its sad really..

-ryan

hope you enjoyed..